…A MOMENT IN TIME WHEN THE CHILD SHUTS IN, CAVES IN TO THE POINT OF NO-RETURN.
The parents of 19-year old Siddharth (name changed to protect privacy of the family) are inconsolable, as they are unable to come to terms with the suicide of their 6-footer ‘seemingly happy teenager’. “He was the captain of his college football team; he was a lead guitarist of the college band and studying well too.” In addition to trying to cope with the loss, they are unable to understand the cause and that is keeping them awake restlessly, since the fateful night.
Reena’s younger sister breaks down, along with her mother at the thought of the moment when they lost their daughter and sister to a moment of despair and extreme pathos. Reena (name changed to protect identity) 16-years committed suicide six months ago, perhaps in a moment of hopelessness or weakness. Unlike in Siddharth’s case, Reena was dealing with clinical depression for two years. “We identified this early-on, and have been taking her to counselling and therapy sessions. And we thought she was responding and feeling positive. Even to this today, I don’t know what triggered this decision to end her life that night,” her mother says with regret, pain and a sense of loss.
There are many other cases we can talk about, each one with a similar or different trigger point, but the crux remains, there; that there is a trigger factor, a deep and intense feeling that overwhelms the child to take the extreme step.
Major Mental Health disorders, as listed by the World Health Organization, include Depression, Dementia, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder and as one of the manifestations, Suicide. Globally, the suicide rate is mounting at 2% of the deaths, and is clearly related to depression, psychosis and substance abuse.
RAISING THE ‘RIGHT’ WAY?
Some parents feel they are doing ‘ALL’ that is good, important and possible to make the child feel good. ‘We have provided a great home, ensured all ‘needs’ are met.” Some other parents opine that some homes are way too liberal and hence, they are strict, disciplined and structured in their approach, which is also the ‘best way to manage growing children.’
There are other homes where there is a right balance between liberal-approach and an overall sense of discipline. There is another view growing amongst parents that changing lifestyles and ways of living have also contributed to this. Leela Rangaswamy, an elderly citizen and a septuagenarian, is of the opinion, that families have become isolated and nuclear, creating so much of loneliness especially since, in most urban homes, the parents would be out in offices working late hours. “We all grew up in joint families, there was always a surrogate ‘mother’, ‘father’ and dozens of uncles and aunts for the children, there was almost no concept of loneliness.” And yet, there is no guarantee that you have protected your child from these dangers.
LONELY AND DISTURBED
Epidemiologic studies are being undertaken in India and world-over to look for significant trends or patterns in the suicides. And as most of us will know, by now, one of the most commonly known causes is depression, loneliness and an overall sense of abysmal pessimism.
However, one of the growing concerns, and a key factor in abetting suicide is the deep sense of loneliness, abandonment and not ‘feeling understood or wanted’ rides high across all children. While in general, conflict during this time with parents, extended families, education system is accepted as a play of hormones, it is important that the family and friends group keeps a watch on a sensitive child who may not be able to accept this conflict easily.
Stanford Child Health cites many reasons as causes including substance abuse, family violence and disharmony, past suicidal tendencies, juvenile delinquency, family history, undesirable life events as losses or tragedies, mental instability and more. In contemporary times, abuse of internet including social media, smartphones are also abetting factors.
According to the National Institute of Health, suicide is associated with impulsivity, a moment when the child makes that fatal move and cannot reverse it. Adolescence and teenage is also a highly vulnerable and sensitive period in an individual’s self-development, and a time when the child goes through lots of changes, transformation and it is crucial that this move towards adulthood happens peacefully and seamlessly.
INABILITY TO REACH OUT, LACK OF TRUST
The triggering factors could be diverse and complex but as a society, educationists, family and as guardians of the children, we have an immense responsibility and that is to understood why the child fails to reach out, why the child is unable to seek help to resolve the deep disturbance boiling inside its mind and heart.
“One of the biggest reasons, in my view, is pressure of performance and it is the parents and society that has to take complete responsibility for creating this. Children tend to get overtly benchmarked against the parent’s expectations. The child is also expected to live up to parental expectations or unnullified dreams of parent’s lives, which in my view, is a huge burden, a bundle of unreasonable expectations that the child cannot carry.” Giri – Pickbrain, noted quizmaster and educationist.
It is critical and imperative to build a viable channel, a highly reliable bridge of communication for the child. A channel of communication, where the child has built the trust and has significant trust in the immediate and extended family. As a parent, extended family, educationist, a friend or anywhere associated with the child, it is important to recognize and identify that the child is disturbed, in turmoil and can MOST DEFINITELY reach out for help.
On speaking to various teenage children, I get the under current that the children are riding a wave of distrust within their immediate family and groups. Most of them are unable to trust their own family members, parents and siblings, the predominant feeling that they will be criticized, neglected or punished if they reach out, definitely lurks in their little hearts.
“Often, the crux of the issue lies in the very home that the child belongs to. Today, I deal with many cases where simple eye-eye contact with the family is missing. The child predominantly carries a feeling that nobody is listening to them and over a period, this builds up a huge emotional imbalance, an emotional void. The children get addicted to gadgets soon and what is worse is that the parents are equally busy with gadgets, creating a sense of isolation in the child’s mind. Parents have to reduce the pressure of performance and teach children to be No. 2 and No. 3 also.” Dr Geetha Bhat – Clinical Psychologist, Music Therapist and Child Expert.
Conclusion
The NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has developed a guide to help navigate the mental health crisis and emergency. The NAMI guide outlines all aspects that fall under a mental health emergency, warning signs and strategies to deal with it, available resources and more. NAMI also asserts that it is important to validate the experiences of the individual, and emphasizes the need for greater number of mental health professionals.
Psychotherapy is one credible way of helping children and adults deal with suicidal thoughts, urges and impulses. Deaths of youngsters in the age group 15 – 19 by suicide accounts for close to 10% of the deaths amongst youngsters, and the number is increasing even as we read this piece. The numbers are increasing, the data patterns analysing the causes are changing every minute as families and institutions are battling this challenge every day. Above all, there is an irreversible loss, a pathos and pain for the child that undergoes it, for the parents who have to live with the loss.
As a society, as an individual, let us do our bit and more to save a precious life. The child does NOT have to be yours, but you can play an important role in SAVING LIVES.
…A MOMENT IN TIME WHEN THE CHILD SHUTS IN, CAVES IN TO THE POINT OF NO-RETURN.
The parents of 19-year old Siddharth (name changed to protect privacy of the family) are inconsolable, as they are unable to come to terms with the suicide of their 6-footer ‘seemingly happy teenager’. “He was the captain of his college football team; he was a lead guitarist of the college band and studying well too.” In addition to trying to cope with the loss, they are unable to understand the cause and that is keeping them awake restlessly, since the fateful night.
Reena’s younger sister breaks down, along with her mother at the thought of the moment when they lost their daughter and sister to a moment of despair and extreme pathos. Reena (name changed to protect identity) 16-years committed suicide six months ago, perhaps in a moment of hopelessness or weakness. Unlike in Siddharth’s case, Reena was dealing with clinical depression for two years. “We identified this early-on, and have been taking her to counselling and therapy sessions. And we thought she was responding and feeling positive. Even to this today, I don’t know what triggered this decision to end her life that night,” her mother says with regret, pain and a sense of loss.
There are many other cases we can talk about, each one with a similar or different trigger point, but the crux remains, there; that there is a trigger factor, a deep and intense feeling that overwhelms the child to take the extreme step.
Major Mental Health disorders, as listed by the World Health Organization, include Depression, Dementia, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder and as one of the manifestations, Suicide. Globally, the suicide rate is mounting at 2% of the deaths, and is clearly related to depression, psychosis and substance abuse.
RAISING THE ‘RIGHT’ WAY?
Some parents feel they are doing ‘ALL’ that is good, important and possible to make the child feel good. ‘We have provided a great home, ensured all ‘needs’ are met.” Some other parents opine that some homes are way too liberal and hence, they are strict, disciplined and structured in their approach, which is also the ‘best way to manage growing children.’
There are other homes where there is a right balance between liberal-approach and an overall sense of discipline. There is another view growing amongst parents that changing lifestyles and ways of living have also contributed to this. Leela Rangaswamy, an elderly citizen and a septuagenarian, is of the opinion, that families have become isolated and nuclear, creating so much of loneliness especially since, in most urban homes, the parents would be out in offices working late hours. “We all grew up in joint families, there was always a surrogate ‘mother’, ‘father’ and dozens of uncles and aunts for the children, there was almost no concept of loneliness.” And yet, there is no guarantee that you have protected your child from these dangers.
LONELY AND DISTURBED
Epidemiologic studies are being undertaken in India and world-over to look for significant trends or patterns in the suicides. And as most of us will know, by now, one of the most commonly known causes is depression, loneliness and an overall sense of abysmal pessimism.
However, one of the growing concerns, and a key factor in abetting suicide is the deep sense of loneliness, abandonment and not ‘feeling understood or wanted’ rides high across all children. While in general, conflict during this time with parents, extended families, education system is accepted as a play of hormones, it is important that the family and friends group keeps a watch on a sensitive child who may not be able to accept this conflict easily.
Stanford Child Health cites many reasons as causes including substance abuse, family violence and disharmony, past suicidal tendencies, juvenile delinquency, family history, undesirable life events as losses or tragedies, mental instability and more. In contemporary times, abuse of internet including social media, smartphones are also abetting factors.
According to the National Institute of Health, suicide is associated with impulsivity, a moment when the child makes that fatal move and cannot reverse it. Adolescence and teenage is also a highly vulnerable and sensitive period in an individual’s self-development, and a time when the child goes through lots of changes, transformation and it is crucial that this move towards adulthood happens peacefully and seamlessly.
INABILITY TO REACH OUT, LACK OF TRUST
The triggering factors could be diverse and complex but as a society, educationists, family and as guardians of the children, we have an immense responsibility and that is to understood why the child fails to reach out, why the child is unable to seek help to resolve the deep disturbance boiling inside its mind and heart.
“One of the biggest reasons, in my view, is pressure of performance and it is the parents and society that has to take complete responsibility for creating this. Children tend to get overtly benchmarked against the parent’s expectations. The child is also expected to live up to parental expectations or unnullified dreams of parent’s lives, which in my view, is a huge burden, a bundle of unreasonable expectations that the child cannot carry.” Giri – Pickbrain, noted quizmaster and educationist.
It is critical and imperative to build a viable channel, a highly reliable bridge of communication for the child. A channel of communication, where the child has built the trust and has significant trust in the immediate and extended family. As a parent, extended family, educationist, a friend or anywhere associated with the child, it is important to recognize and identify that the child is disturbed, in turmoil and can MOST DEFINITELY reach out for help.
On speaking to various teenage children, I get the under current that the children are riding a wave of distrust within their immediate family and groups. Most of them are unable to trust their own family members, parents and siblings, the predominant feeling that they will be criticized, neglected or punished if they reach out, definitely lurks in their little hearts.
“Often, the crux of the issue lies in the very home that the child belongs to. Today, I deal with many cases where simple eye-eye contact with the family is missing. The child predominantly carries a feeling that nobody is listening to them and over a period, this builds up a huge emotional imbalance, an emotional void. The children get addicted to gadgets soon and what is worse is that the parents are equally busy with gadgets, creating a sense of isolation in the child’s mind. Parents have to reduce the pressure of performance and teach children to be No. 2 and No. 3 also.” Dr Geetha Bhat – Clinical Psychologist, Music Therapist and Child Expert.
Conclusion
The NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has developed a guide to help navigate the mental health crisis and emergency. The NAMI guide outlines all aspects that fall under a mental health emergency, warning signs and strategies to deal with it, available resources and more. NAMI also asserts that it is important to validate the experiences of the individual, and emphasizes the need for greater number of mental health professionals.
Psychotherapy is one credible way of helping children and adults deal with suicidal thoughts, urges and impulses. Deaths of youngsters in the age group 15 – 19 by suicide accounts for close to 10% of the deaths amongst youngsters, and the number is increasing even as we read this piece. The numbers are increasing, the data patterns analysing the causes are changing every minute as families and institutions are battling this challenge every day. Above all, there is an irreversible loss, a pathos and pain for the child that undergoes it, for the parents who have to live with the loss.
As a society, as an individual, let us do our bit and more to save a precious life. The child does NOT have to be yours, but you can play an important role in SAVING LIVES.